Airport Security at its most secure……

airport security

A new airport security device is being developed  
that eliminates the privacy concerns associated with full-body scanners.
It’s an armored booth that will not X-ray you, but will
detonate any explosive device you may have on your person.

This eliminates all issues about racial profiling and the cost of long and expensive trials.

You’re in the airport terminal and you hear a muffled explosion.  Shortly thereafter, an announcement:

“Attention to all standby passengers., El Al is pleased to announce
a seat available on flight 670 to London. Have a nice day.”

Smart Cops……..

These are comments taken off police car videos around the country:

“If you run, you’ll only go to jail tired.”

“Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that’s the speed of the bullet that’ll be chasing you.”

“You don’t know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket”

“The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?”

“Just how large were those ‘two beers’ you say you had?”

“No sir, we don’t have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we’re allowed to write as many tickets as we can.”

“You didn’t think we give pretty women tickets? You’re right, we don’t.. Sign here.”