What To Expect When You’re Expecting out on DVD

what to expectThe title of this film makes it clear what the story is about but, unfortunately, that’s all it’s about. Five couples play happy families, and then have a baby. That’s it, in total. The only surprise is that someone thought this boring subject was interesting enough to make a movie about. A bigger surprise will be if anyone actually watches it.

TV fitness guru, Jules (Cameron Diaz) and TV host partner, Evan (Matthew Morrison), are thrilled to be having a baby, but are worried about how it will affect their high-octane celebrity lives. Wendy (Elizabeth Banks) is a professional baby-advisor and married to Gary (Ben Falcone), who has to deal with his competitive Dad (Dennis Quaid). Dad’s trophy wife, Skylar (Brooklyn Decker), is also pregnant and, although she is years younger than Gary, insists her stepson calls her ‘mom’. Photographer Holly (Jennifer Lopez) is desperate to have a child but is worried that her husband, Alex (Rodrigo Santoro), is not ready to start a family. Rival food truck chefs Rosie (Anna Kendrick) and Marco (Chace Crawford) hook up and manage to find romance in amongst the hot jalapeno tacos.

Everything about pregnant women has already been done a million times but, unfortunately, this doesn’t stop the writers from doing it all again. First of all, there are the ‘we must have sex this moment because I’m ovulating’ scenes, then come the multi-packs of plastic testers, and next everyone is throwing up in inappropriate places. After this comes the excitement of the scans, followed closely by the embarrassing breaking of waters, prior to the obligatory crazy drive to the hospital. And that’s it, folks. That’s the show (apart from the babies, of course).

Obviously, all the couples have to have their conflicts and, as these particular characters are all too pleasant and polite to create their own drama, obstacles have to be thrown in their paths. Unfortunately, none of these obstacles are any more interesting than someone losing their job and not telling their spouse, or debating whether their baby should be circumcised. It doesn’t get any more soul-searching than that, does it?

The ‘lets not bother with conflict’ theme continues with the inclusion of a story thread with the Baby Daddies. Every time these guys appear, they’re strolling in the park, having philosophical chats, and acting like stay-at-home Dads who have been emasculated by their women. These scenes make no difference to the actual movie, except that it would have ended 15 minutes sooner if they’d been cut. If only.

Needless to say, the couple who can’t have a baby of their own decide to follow the hot new trend and pick one up from Africa. This fad is obviously great for the little orphans, but what’s going to happen when African babies are no longer in vogue, and they end up on the same scrap-heap as home-juicers and Bluetooth earpieces? They will, of course, have their own celebrity status by then, so maybe they’ll get re-adopted by fading reality stars, who will finally be able to fulfill their ambition and get that interview with Oprah.

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